Giving feedback? Don’t do this

As a leader, you probably either love or hate giving feedback to your team. It’s one of those leadership obligations that’s undeniably important, while also being a catalyst for awkward moments, difficult conversations, and strained relationships.

Given the influence feedback has on team culture – whether it builds trust and growth or frustration and resentment – I’m always surprised that so few organisations invest in teaching leaders how to give it.

Both giving and receiving feedback are skills that can be learned, and there’s a wealth of research that shows us how to do them well.

Underestimating the value of feedback

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found people often underestimate how much others value receiving feedback. While we may focus on the discomfort of delivering it, we are in turn discounting the potential benefits for the person receiving it.

Think about the blind spot this creates for leaders. For example, you may avoid raising an issue because you don’t want to damage a relationship or cause conflict, even though the person receiving it would have really valued knowing what they could be doing to improve.

Collectively, this mindset can result in wider organisational patterns where feedback is consistently withheld and performance enhancing opportunities are consistently left on the table.  

Other studies give us further insights into why leaders may withhold feedback. For example, they may lack the confidence to deliver it or be unsure if it’s their place to give it. All of these instances mean valuable coaching moments are lost before the conversation even begins.

Good feedback requires more than praise or criticism

In the past, a leader who stormed into a room, berated their team and walked away might have been seen as tough rather than problematic.

Fortunately, we’ve matured and learned over time that respect and trust go a lot further than fear and anger.

However, as we’ve moved towards more structured approaches to feedback, we’ve also created frameworks that can be perceived as formulaic and insincere. One example is the feedback sandwich consisting of praise-critique-praise (“You’re doing a great job, except for this, but overall you’re tops!”).

While this may have been effective off the back of poor feedback practices, now most people can see it coming a mile away. This leads them to walk away feeling as uncomfortable or discouraged as if the criticism had been delivered directly.

What we need is authentic, evidence-based frameworks for feedback. A synthesis of 30 years of research tells us that positive feedback is overwhelmingly connected to enhanced performance. On the other hand, negative feedback relies heavily on the relationship between the giver and receiver to be effective at all.

If we consider this at all levels, it’s not difficult to see why. When feedback about a person, team or organisation is dominated by criticism, it creates a culture focussed on avoiding mistakes rather than improving. In contrast, a strengths-based approach recognises what is being done well, and gets people thinking in constructive ways about how best to move forward.

Making feedback part of everyday conversations

Positive feedback doesn’t mean forced optimism at all costs. Feedback can still address pain points while being delivered in a constructive way. The difference is that the conversation focusses on outcomes and impact rather than simply pointing out what someone has done wrong.

For example, instead of saying, “You’ve missed several deadlines recently and it’s becoming a problem”, you could say:

“I’ve noticed a few deadlines haven’t been met recently. I’m concerned this may affect how the team plans its work and relies on your deliverables. I’d like to understand what’s getting in the way and what changes you think could help.”

This approach encourages the receiver to reflect on what has happened, understand the impact of their actions, and consider how they could improve. The conversation is a shared process centred on resolving an issue, not a reprimand about what went wrong.

Another effective feedback technique is the 3-2-1 method, which asks:

What are 3 things we should keep doing, 2 things we should start doing, and 1 thing we should stop doing?

Frameworks like this can be embedded into an organisation’s approach to feedback, supported by leadership training that gives leaders the skills and confidence to use them effectively.

What we are aiming for is a feedback orientation within the workplace where the answers to these questions are clear:

• Do leaders know how to give feedback?
• Is it grounded in our systems and policies?
• Is it a developed capability that’s done in practice?
• Is it experienced effectively in person?

This sees feedback become an integral part of an organisation’s culture, where it is visible and modelled every day. It’s a normal part of how people work together, rather than being reserved for when problems arise.

I offer 1:1 coaching to help leaders build skills such as effective feedback delivery, while also working with teams and organisations to embed stronger feedback practices into their culture. To learn more, please get in touch.